| Good things come to those who wait. Although it is an old idea, it’s a good one. So good, in fact, that kids who learn it become far more successful than ones who don’t. It’s a fact borne out by the famous “marshmallow test,” where children who were willing to wait so that they could earn more of the treats showed superior long-term adjustment in contrast to those who settled for the immediate gratification of just one.
Like all social-emotional skills, self-control is primarily taught by the three Es of Love and Logic:
- Example: We show kids what it looks like.
- Experience: We allow them to act hastily over small matters so they can truly experience the negative results.
- Empathy: We reallow their hearts and minds to focus on the sad effects of their hasty choices rather than our anger or frustration.
I recently witnessed a powerful social-emotional leaning opportunity at an ice cream shop in rural South Dakota. Two young boys were enjoying ice cream cones as they wrestled over who would get to the table first. Their mother stared at her cone and proclaimed, “It sure would be sad for me if I dropped this because I wasn’t paying attention. Then I wouldn’t get another.”
A glorious thing happened. Mom made it to the table with her treat. The boys didn’t. Their ice cream was melting on the floor.
I noticed something amazing: Rather than blaming each other and begging for another chance, they grabbed a wad of napkins and proceeded to clean up after themselves. They seemed mostly sad, rather than mad. I wonder where they learned that?
Through the entire process, Mom didn’t say another word. Are you guessing she’d learned somewhere along the way that actions, empathy, and natural consequences are far more powerful?
You can find more insights about teaching kids to learn how to be responsible, and respectful, in our webinar, Home and School Strategies for Creating Respectful, Responsible Kids (which is also included in our new Back To School Package).
Also, on Tuesday, August 24, we held our FREE special event, The Single Greatest Gift Parents Can Give: A Love and Logic Back to School Event. If you missed this informative event, you can watch the replay here.
Thanks for reading!
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Dr. Charles Fay |
