| Dear Sample,
Over the past several decades, psychologists have placed huge emphasis on the importance of having a positive self-concept. Rightly so! How we feel about ourselves may be the single most important factor affecting how motivated we are to succeed in school, the types of friends we select, and whether we make responsible decisions in our lives.
Due to its undisputed importance, people have spent tremendous energy trying different approaches to give kids good self-concepts. Listed below are just a few of the many tactics that have created selfish kids rather than ones with a good sense of self:
- Constant praise
- Ensuring that they are always the center of attention
- Making sure that they never encounter any hardships
- Buying them everything they want
- Rescuing them from the consequences of their misbehavior
- Setting no limits so that they can “express their creativity”
There’s only one approach that really works, and it’s based on the age-old truism:
The best way to feel good is to do something good.
When parents place a high emphasis on good and respectful behavior, children look at themselves and think, “I act pretty darn good and responsible. I must be pretty darn good and responsible.”
True self-concept is developed when children encounter struggles, are taught how to overcome those struggles, and see themselves acting in respectful and responsible ways. Stated quite simply, self-concept is an inside job.
Shaping Self-Concept, one of our most popular audios, teaches a very special type of love. It’s the type that allows our kids to struggle, lets them work through their trials, and guides them toward independence instead of insecurity. This love can be expressed daily by:
- Allowing kids to wrestle with tying their shoes, instead of automatically jumping in and doing it for them.
- Letting them dress themselves, even if the clothes they choose don’t match.
- Teaching them how to talk to their teachers about problems at school, rather than always doing it for them.
- Expecting that they speak up and order meals for themselves, instead of ordering for them.
- Having them call the insurance company and arrange for their own car insurance, instead of doing it all for them.
- Letting them do most of the work required to complete their college applications, rather than preparing all the paperwork for them.
- Remembering that the more things they learn to do for themselves, the stronger and more confident they will become!
In our audio, Shaping Self-Concept: Encouraging Kids to Take Risks and Learn, my father, Jim Fay, provides more tips for helping your kids develop the type of unselfish and humble confidence required to enjoy success in life. You’ll also hear how this confidence dramatically increases a child’s motivation to do well in school. Isn’t it ironic that our kids must face some tough times so that they can live confident, joyful lives?
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay |
