| Dear Lanae,
How does tone of voice affect interactions with our kids? We believe that tone of voice can make all the difference between success or failure when using Love and Logic techniques. The importance of tone of voice is reflected in our First Rule of Love and Logic:
Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lectures, threats, or repeated warnings.
This Love and Logic Rule, which has been around since it was first published in 1990, is critical. When adults use anger, threats, and warnings with their kids, communication fails and relationships are damaged. A recent study validated this view, showing that anger, threats, and shouting used with kids can constitute verbal/emotional abuse and cause life-long harm.
For many of us, life is challenging. The daily stress and exertion of life can take its toll on your patience and can affect the tone of voice you use with the ones you love the very most. I’ve never met someone who didn’t face this challenge on a daily basis. It falls under the category of “life.”
Although we can’t take the stress out of living, we can do our best to control how we react to stress and what tone of voice we use with our kids. Here are a few suggestions for dealing with the stresses that we all face.
Expecting no stress creates more.
Knowing that life is stressful for all of us, and that this is the standard state of affairs, can go a long way toward helping us avoid being overwhelmed by it. If you take a Love and Logic class from one of our local trainers, you’ll see that you are not alone.
Seeing purpose in stress creates hope.
Every difficulty we face can either erode us or grow us. When we look for the growth and learning opportunities that each trial brings, our perspective remains far more positive.
Emotional connections with others make it seem smaller.
Many of us withdraw or throw ourselves more deeply into our work when we feel stressed. As a result, we isolate ourselves from the relationships that give us the most strength. Healthy relationships can also help us put the stresses in our lives in perspective.
Remember daily that our kids are looking to us for calm leadership.
As we all know, kids take their emotional cues from the adults around them. When we can keep ourselves positive in the face of stress, will our kids be more likely to do the same? When we can talk to them in a tone that truly communicates our love for them, will they respond in far more positive ways?
Don’t expect yourself or your kids to be perfect.
We all get snippy and snappy from time to time. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing!
Whether it is a youngster neglecting a chore or a teenager completely absorbed by texting, we can be far more effective as parents by carefully controlling our tone of voice as we hand the problem over to the child in loving ways with a healthy dose of empathy.
Speaking of texting, there is still time to register for tomorrow's free online event, Technology Misuse and Addiction. Hope to see you there!
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Charles Fay, Ph.D. |
