| Dear Lanae,
Spring fever can be life threatening. In general, teenagers face more and more serious, potentially life-threatening decisions than a generation or two ago. These decisions, combined with the vacations and parties that come during springtime, can challenge the most sensible teenagers.
Fortunately, there are some simple, time-tested ways that parents can help their teens make cool decisions as the weather gets warmer. Here are four suggestions based on Love and Logic that can help you.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking teens no longer need their parents.
Because their adolescents are becoming more independent, many parents believe that it’s okay to leave them without supervision for hours on end. Nothing could be further from the truth. Wise parents understand this, and they recognize teens still need a watchful, yet friendly eye.
Set enforceable limits.
Teens need and want limits. However, instead of telling your teens what they should do, experiment with telling them what you will do or what you will allow. For example, instead of commanding your teen to be home on time, try saying, “I share the car keys with those who come home on time.”
Hold them accountable with empathy and logical consequences.
Providing consequences with anger, lectures, and threats will result in defensiveness, creating teens who think, “When I make poor decisions, it makes others really mad. I better not get caught.” If anger is replaced with a genuine dose of empathy or sadness, teens will realize that, “When I make poor decisions it makes my life really sad. For my sake, I’d better make wise ones!”
When you are too angry or worried to think—delay the consequence.
We are human and there are times when teens can throw us completely off balance. When this happens, buy some time by saying, “I’m going to have to do something about this. But not now, later. Try not to worry.” Take some time to calm down, think rationally, and get some ideas from friends.
Thousands of parents have used these principles, which are based on Love and Logic, and found that their parenting has become much easier and more effective. Our new audio series, 7 Ways To Create A Respectful, Responible, and Resilient Family: How to Create a Healthy Family Environment, contains many best practices that can help parents raise teenagers who make responsible decisions. It also includes a special section on Dealing with Difficult Teenagers.
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay
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