| Dear Susan,
When parents new to Love and Logic call us for help, they often mention that they are struggling with their kids’ neglect of chores. They complain that chores never get done, no matter how many reminders are offered, or how loud those reminders are! Usually, parents view chores as a means of getting things done around the house. Even though getting bedrooms cleaned up and the trash emptied are important goals, at Love and Logic we believe that the importance and power of chores lies in what they teach kids, how they meet the psychological needs of kids, and how they teach valuable life lessons for kids.
For example, when kids are expected to contribute to their family, they learn self-control as well as how to persevere and delay self-gratification. Kids need to be needed, and doing their chores gives them a sense of belonging and contributing to the family.
Kids also need structure and limits as their minds develop. With the Love and Logic approach, chores provide the opportunity for kids to experience enforceable limits delivered with empathy—a powerful combination that enables learning. As they master their chores, their self-esteem is enhanced, which will naturally carry over into other areas of their lives, including their homework and ultimately their academic success.
Here are a few Love and Logic tips to help parents take advantage of the power of chores.
Commit yourself to the importance of chores
In our view, chores are more important than homework, music lessons, sports, or anything else. They are also more important than video games and social media. It is helpful to keep in mind that when kids master their chores, they will be better equipped to manage other activities in their lives.
No reminders or warnings
Kids will always need the number of reminders to do their chores as the number of reminders that parents give them. The Love and Logic approach is to avoid reminders and warnings, and let kids make affordable mistakes with their chores. Remind yourself to avoid giving reminders and give your kids the opportunity learn how to become responsible instead.
No pay
Not paying kids for doing their chores teaches them that true happiness comes from helping and sharing. It is important for kids to see that everyone in the family has chores and that everyone does them for the sake of the family, not for pay.
Let the consequences, delivered with empathy, do the teaching
This is a fundamental principle of Love and Logic—kids learn the lessons of life best when they experience the consequences of their mistakes. When they experience the consequences of not doing their chores, they quickly learn the importance of getting the chores done properly. Delivering consequences must always be done with a healthy dose of empathy. Remember, nothing works without empathy!
Based on decades of experience with parents using Love and Logic, we have observed that children who learn to complete real and meaningful chores, without reminders and pay, become far better students. For more tips on how to get your kids to benefit from learning how to do chores, listen to our audio, Chores: Why Kids Need Them … and How to Get Even the Most Challenging Ones to Do Them.
On June 1, join Dr. Daniel Amen and me in our next virtual event, Helping Kids Get Healthy Bodies and Minds. Look for more details about this free event in our upcoming newsletters.
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay |
