| Dear Lanae,
Gifts come in many forms, such as gifts for birthdays as well as gifts during the holiday season. We believe that parents can give their kids many gifts year-round that are not necessarily related to calendars. These include giving kids the opportunity to acquire values and behaviors that will benefit them throughout their lives.
Kids are exposed to many forms of social media in our modern world clearly and these have a profound effect on our kids. Kids are also using social media apps at younger and younger ages. There are surveys that suggest that as many as 50% of children aged 10 to 12 years old, and 33% of children aged 7 to 9 years old, use social media apps. With such powerful external influences, parents often wonder:
- How can I reach my kids when they get so many messages that seem to say, “Who you are is not as important as how good you look or how many likes you have.”
- How can I get my children to avoid developing a sense of entitlement?
- How do I teach my kids the importance of hard work, honesty, and humility?
Instead of telling your kids how to live, show them.
Wise parents demonstrate honest respectful, kind, and responsible behavior to their kids. Simply stated, actions speak louder than words. The next time another driver cuts you off, or someone in your neighborhood needs help, treat the situation as an important opportunity to show your children how responsible, caring adults act.
Talk about your values when they’re eavesdropping.
What we say in front of our kids is more important than what we say to them. When you do something responsible or caring, talk about it within earshot of you kids. For example, when your child is sitting nearby, you might share with your spouse, “The clerk at the store gave me ten dollars too much in change. I could have kept it, but I gave it back. I always feel better when I do the right thing!”
Teach character and responsibility with empathy and consequences.
At Love and Logic, we’ve found that the most effective parents allow children to make mistakes in safe situations. Kids develop character and positive values when they learn that poor decisions result in uncomfortable consequences. Parents who deliver consequences with anger raise kids who spend their lives feeling angry or fearful, and who reject the values of their parents. If those same parents replace anger with empathy, their children begin to see them as caring and recognize that their values are important.
Four more than four decades, Love and Logic has helped parents with these life-changing tips. For more help in this age of social media pressure, listen to my new audio, Healthy Kids and Families in a Technology-Filled World. Keep in mind that this audio, and all our other resources, are available at a 25% discount through December 31!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay
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