| Dear Lanae,
Love and Logic is all about teaching parents and teachers how to help kids own and solve their own problems. If children are going to survive and thrive in this complex world, they need practice solving as many problems as possible early in their lives!
By instilling this ability in kids at an early age, they will grow up to become responsible and self-sufficient, able to make healthy and appropriate decisions. Love and Logic is based on a synergistic combination of neuroscience and psychology. We use the power of a loving and empathetic interaction that allows kids to think logically about their problems.
The following process is an example of how to use Love and Logic to get kids thinking more about their problems than we do.
Step 1: Provide a strong and sincere dose of empathy.
Empathy allows the child to stay calm enough to solve the problem—and learn from it. Experiment with saying something like:
Oh no. This is a problem. I bet that’s really upsetting.
Step 2: Hand the problem back.
After you have proven that you care, ask:
What do you think you might do to solve this problem?
Don’t be shocked if the child mumbles, “I don’t know.”
Step 3: Ask permission to share what “some kids” have tried.
Avoid giving suggestions until you have asked:
Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?
Step 4: Provide two or three alternatives for solving the problem.
Remember to avoid resistance by saying:
Some kids decide to ________. How would that work for you?
Step 5: Allow the child to solve or not to solve the problem.
Resist the urge to tell the child which alternative to pick. End the session by showing your faith in the child and say:
Good luck! Let me know how this turns out.
This approach has proven successful throughout the years for thousands of parents who have taken Love and Logic parenting classes from our Independent Trainers.
For over two decades, our popular audio by Jim Fay, Love and Logic Magic When Kids Drain Your Energy, has guided thousands of parents in helping kids learn how to make responsible decisions as well as make things right when they don’t.
Also, this week marks the release of a new title that I co-authored with Dr. Daniel Amen, Raising Mentally Strong Kids is fresh off the press and can help parents integrate insights from the world of neuroscience with highly effective parenting techniques developed by Love and Logic.
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay
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