| Dear Lanae,
Last week we provided some tips for helping your kids realize their full academic potential. These included handing the responsibility for learning over to your kids, always using empathy, and looking for underlying issues that might hamper their ability to learn.
This week we have some practical tips for helping kids with their homework and inspiring them to believe in themselves and their abilities.
Guidelines for Helping Your Kids with Homework
There’s nothing wrong with parents providing help as long as kids do their own homework. It is natural for parents to care about their children’s homework, but they should follow some basic guidelines so that they can help in productive ways and avoid common pitfalls. Here are some examples.
- Provide help only if your child wants it from you.
Parents should not force help on their kids without giving them the option to decline the help. It is very important that they have a sense of control over their work.
- Help only when you know your child is listening to their teacher.
Kids sometimes do not pay attention in class and simply rely on getting help from their parents at home. Ask your child how the teacher described the homework and how it should be done.
- Help only as long as there is no frustration or anger.
Your goal should be to create an atmosphere that will develop and maintain positive feelings about learning. Anger and frustration will destroy this atmosphere and interfere with learning and your relationship with your child.
- Provide help in short segments to allow them to see themselves succeed.
If parents are always sitting with their kids while they do their homework, kids will eventually believe that they can only succeed with their parents beside them. Give guidance and support but move away and let your kids work on their own and discover solutions on their own. This is the only way to help build their confidence in themselves.
Teach them to think like they are high achievers
Only when kids believe in themselves can they truly achieve their highest potential. Here are some steps to help kids learn to think that they can succeed.
- Catch them doing something well.
This can involve any part of their homework, such as spelling exercises or math problems.
- Ask them, “How did you do that?”
It is very important to avoid praising them for their success—simply note that they did something well.
- Give them some possible reasons that they succeeded.
For example:
“Were you working hard?”
“Have you been practicing?”
“Did you try different approaches?
- Ask them what they think is responsible for their success.
It is very helpful for kids to speak about a reason for their success because it helps them internalize the belief in their success.
When kids love to learn, they will naturally realize their full academic potential and their potential throughout their entire lives. In my book, From Bad Grades to a Great Life, I describe my own struggles with school and how I overcame them. It contains a wealth of insights that can help you help your kids overcome their struggles.
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay
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