| Dear Sample,
Is it okay to hold kids accountable for their misbehavior, or is this an archaic concept that no longer applies to raising kids? We at Love and Love have always taught the same thing: Hope and pray for affordable mistakes, provide a strong and sincere dose of loving empathy, and let logical or natural consequences do the teaching.
We provide unconditional love, dignity, and opportunities for kids to make small mistakes. That’s the “love” in Love and Logic. The “logic” develops inside the child’s heart and mind when they discover that the quality of one’s choices largely determines the quality of one’s life.
Do choices matter?
I remember the first time I heard how some think it is horrible and downright mean to upset our children by providing consequences. I was speaking at a seminar and a mother shared her confusion about a recommendation made by her sixteen-year-old daughter’s therapist.
Her daughter had been sending inappropriate images over her cellphone and the mother felt it was very important to take away her cellphone as a consequence. However, the therapist said that the parents were way off base—he told them that doing this would be too upsetting for our daughter.
Over the past few years, a strangely popular “no-consequences” movement has developed among many. They suggest that using consequences, even reasonable ones delivered with great love, is a big no-no. They seem to believe that if we just do a better job of loving kids and meeting their underlying emotional needs, there will be no need for consequences. Have you heard this, as well?
There’s some truth in what they say. Yes! Loving kids, building trusting relationships, and meeting needs is essential, and it does tend to cut down on the need for consequences. The downside of their rather extreme position is that the world is a consequential place.
It’s pay now or pay later.
We can either help our kids learn that choices matter when they are young and the consequences are small, or we can allow the world to teach this lesson when they are older, and the consequences are often tragic.
By the way, the mother in the example above took the cellphone away from her daughter. She told her daughter that she loved her and that she didn’t feel comfortable providing a phone when it was being used to do something inappropriate and dangerous. She explained to me that she took the phone away because she didn’t know how a person can raise a responsible child without having some accountability.
In our audio, Real Talk on Technology, we provide practical strategies for navigating the challenges of parenting in today's digital age. These include strategies for helping kids make good decisions about the web, social media, video games, and more.
From all of us at Love and Logic, we wish you a safe, healthy, happy holiday season!
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay |
