| Dear Lanae,
Yesterday was National Sibling Day and at Love and Logic we mostly hear about sibling rivalry from parents who are exasperated with the fighting and other behaviors that develop as kids grow up together. It can become a problem at any time, and it can even have roots immediately after the birth of a sibling.
For example, a couple had been preparing two-year-old Jamie for the arrival of the new baby. They told him, “It’ll be so nice to have a little brother. You’ll have someone to play with. I know you’ll just love being a big brother.” Jamie was all smiles.
How long do you suppose it was before Jamie’s smile was gone, and he was not thrilled with the intrusion into his life? You’re right. He soon found out that he was no longer the center of attention. His constant acting out just added to the rigors of taking care of a new baby.
“I don’t know why he has to be so mean to little Jeffrey. I have to watch him every minute for fear that he will hurt the little one,” bemoaned Mom.
A Solution to This Age-Old Problem
Jamie probably feels a loss of love and control. He’s trying to get it back the only way he knows how. Here is an alternative approach that can better prepare Jamie for the arrival of his sibling.
“Jamie, we are going to have a new baby, and that’s hard for everyone. Babies cry a lot, and they take up a lot of our time. It won’t be fun for a while. You might feel left out sometimes.”
You will find that giving the older child some control like this does a good job of eliminating his/her attempts to get the attention in negative ways. As one mother told me, “Now that I’ve done that, he no longer bites the baby’s toes. I thought he was just being mean, but now I know differently.”
Sibling rivalry can be a challenging issue with kids of all ages. Listen to our audio, Sibling Rivalry: Strategies for Teaching Your Kids How to Get Along, and learn how to put an end to the arguing and bickering in your home.
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Jim Fay
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