| Dear Lanae,
Do your kids make enough mistakes? I’m afraid not.
Most kids need to make a lot more mistakes while they are young, when the consequences for those mistakes are small. We all know that the cost of making bad decisions grows with the age of kids.
One mother said it this way, “Far better that my child totals her tricycle when she’s little. If I protect her from that, she’ll be more likely to total the family car when she is a teenager.”
One of the important core beliefs of Love and Logic is that every childhood mistake can be a learning experience provided there is no rescue from the consequences. When mistakes are handled with empathy and consequences, kids develop an internal voice that says, “I wonder how my next decision will affect me?” This is the gift of Love and Logic.
When parents do all the thinking, they rob kids of the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and send the message that the kids are not capable of figuring things out for themselves. Give your kids the can-do message: Let them do the thinking. When they learn from their mistakes they build character, strength, and confidence.
However, this is not absolute. This does not apply when it has to do with loss of life or limb. In these situations, parents must intervene.
There are other situations when I would be willing to rescue a child from a mistake. It really doesn’t hurt to rescue a child who is usually quite respectful, appreciative, and responsible. It feels good to help this kind of person and it can actually help reinforce relationships.
On the other hand, rescuing a demanding, unappreciative, and irresponsible person never feels good. And it does nothing to develop relationships and only reinforces irresponsibility.
For more tips on helping kids learn from their mistakes so that they can grow into responsible adults, listen to our audio, Four Steps to Responsibility. And right now, during our Halloween Sale, you can get 20% off sitewide—making it easier than ever to invest in parenting tools that truly make a difference.
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Jim Fay
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